Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
