she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
