I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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