Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
