You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
