she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
