I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
