fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
