i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize