So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
