happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
