Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
