Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
