Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have feelings that need drinking.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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