when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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