so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize