FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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