i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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