Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
