note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
