..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
