you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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