Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
