I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
