I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
