How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
