so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
