the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
