Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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