it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
