Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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