sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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