WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
