you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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