ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
