i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
