dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
