i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
