I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
