i jhust puked up my retainher.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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