i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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