Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
