My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
