If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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