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• (323): View more from California

  WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.

  Fav 6 1848 2579

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• (830): View more from Texas

  If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice

  Fav 37 4190 1199

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.

  Fav 14 1175 4471

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?

  Fav 73 10196 2572

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks

  Fav 21 7536 1373

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.

  Fav 9 4311 1145

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.

  Fav 26 1722 5882

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• (585): View more from New York

  She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back

  Fav 2 1522 837

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.

  Fav 12 1515 740

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.

  Fav 9 1335 637

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?

  Fav 13 1185 597

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?

  Fav 2 1185 602

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw

  Fav 0 405 490

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• (551): View more from New Jersey

  Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?

  Fav 0 218 160

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.

  Fav 0 129 7

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