just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
