Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
