I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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