So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
