I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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