It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Randomize
