did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
