literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize