Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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