Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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