its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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