i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
