Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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