I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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