We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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