What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
