I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
