super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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