she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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