i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
