Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
